I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
