am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
