I CAN MOONWALK!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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