somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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