she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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