can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
