my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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