We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
