well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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