can u get pink eye on your cock?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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