Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
