i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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