It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i came on her dog
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
