Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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