who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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