Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
