Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
