I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
