my phone needs a breathalizer
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Boobs are out for the taking
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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