I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He passed out mid-signature
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
