So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
