I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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