she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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