I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She's just so happy...and so naked.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
