What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
