I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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