Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
