You really coming over, don't trick.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
