She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
