I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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