DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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