WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
