if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
