when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
