Plan B is the new Plan A
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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