He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
