whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
