Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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