My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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