just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
