I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
