Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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