I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
