Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
40s are totally the cure
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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