I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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