I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
