38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
