Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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