I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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