It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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