We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
