the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
