this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
